Do not say, "Why were the old days better than these?" For it is not wise to ask such questions.
Ecclesiastes 7:10
Of late, I have been constantly attacked by pangs of nostalgia, wondering about where my life has gone the past 11 years since I graduated from poly. Perhaps it is my passing 30, or realising that Velouria is already five and she’ll be in primary one soon. Or maybe it’s just paranoia setting in with the silly notion that my career is going in circles (after wasting six years of my precious youth with the RSAF). Obviously, life gets more complicated as you grow older and I’m at that point where I’m wondering to God every day, ‘Why must everything be so damn hard?’
It just dawned on me that Penny and I have been together for ten years now, which have been filled with laughter, tears, frustration and anger, along with numerous instances of almost parting ways. We have come a long way and as I look back I can’t help but admit that along the way we have changed somewhat (I always saw myself remaining 20 forever). Friends that knew me from way back always seem to say ‘You’re still the same guy I remember, but yet different at the same time’ – as the Vietnamese are likened to saying ‘Same, same; but different’ to illustrate two distinctly different entities that originated from fairly similar circumstances. I suppose some hard knocks in life will do that to you, and over the years I’ve come to terms with the fact that these hard knocks are just God’s bizarre ways of whipping you into shape.
Along the way, God blessed us with Velouria to remind us how much he loves us. She came into our lives at the most unexpected and under the most unfavourable of conditions – I had just left the RSAF and was still jobless, halfway through my Bachelor’s; someone had just jumped out of his kitchen window, landing on our car and totaling it the process, which led us to rake up some debts; Penny’s job was in limbo, her boss was on the verge of losing a battle with cancer and the future of the company was uncertain. However, as she grew, we noticed that Velouria was actually a combination of Penny and I – she sleeps like a log, enjoys fellowship with senior citizens, eats like a bottomless pit and is a true-blue couch potato who can recall any jingle, movie trailer/sequence/dialogue. Only a Creator who knows us better than we know ourselves could take the best (and worst!) of both of us to create such a bundle of joy.
The other indication that triggered my nostalgia was also seeing the 25th Anniversary G.I. Joe: a Real American Hero 3¾” action figures on the shelves of several toy stores. I remember clamouring to grab every single figure I could get my hands on – from Metro, Daimaru, Yaohan, OG, Kiddy Point (at Centrepoint) and Kids’ World (Wisma Atria and United Square) 20 years ago. This went on well into my poly years as I acquired figures and vehicles that friends had understandably couldn’t wait to give up. With the advent of technology, these figures have now been rescuplted with more detail and given a make-over to bestow upon them a more contemporary look (it has, after all, been 25 years since the first obiang-looking series of figures was launched). More figures are in the line-up, as Hasbro seems keen on revamping all of the figures by the time the G.I. Joe movie hits the theatres in August 2009.
Being on Facebook has also been a double-edged sword as I soak in my ostensibly retrospective take of life. I have, for the longest time, tried my utmost to resist conforming but the resistance was ultimately futile as my curious search for long-lost friends ended up with me starting an account. And, boy, did I find some friends and tons of old photos! It’s amusing to find old friends, get an update on what they’ve been up to, look at photos of their children and hallelujah at every single one that, like me, have turned to Christ. Comparisons are almost inevitable as I begin to look at each of their profiles and realize how everyone has grown, despite being the angst driven youth at one point of our lives, proclaiming proudly how we’d ‘stick it to the man’. Everyone expected me to turn into some arty-farty, skater-type, struggling rock musician/DJ/comic book illustrator/toy sculptor; but somehow I morphed into a God-fearing, corporate ladder-climbing, family man. Conversely, the shy and quiet, studious types have transformed into chain smoking, alcohol guzzling, Zoukout-type party animals.
Which leads me to ponder about the jungle path that I always imagine my life to be; along the way there are many junctions, forks and small hidden tracks. How different would my life have turned out if I took a different turn at one of the junctions, or decided to follow a small, hidden track along the way? Am I back on the main path now? And more importantly, where is it taking me and what’s waiting at the end for me?
Am I complaining? Not really. Am I truly happy? I would be lying if I said I am. Truth is, I’m still struggling to be content with whatever God has blessed me with ‘for he knows the intents and desires’ of my heart and be grateful that He has sustained me thus far.
What do the next ten years have in store for me, I wonder? Only God knows.
It just dawned on me that Penny and I have been together for ten years now, which have been filled with laughter, tears, frustration and anger, along with numerous instances of almost parting ways. We have come a long way and as I look back I can’t help but admit that along the way we have changed somewhat (I always saw myself remaining 20 forever). Friends that knew me from way back always seem to say ‘You’re still the same guy I remember, but yet different at the same time’ – as the Vietnamese are likened to saying ‘Same, same; but different’ to illustrate two distinctly different entities that originated from fairly similar circumstances. I suppose some hard knocks in life will do that to you, and over the years I’ve come to terms with the fact that these hard knocks are just God’s bizarre ways of whipping you into shape.
Along the way, God blessed us with Velouria to remind us how much he loves us. She came into our lives at the most unexpected and under the most unfavourable of conditions – I had just left the RSAF and was still jobless, halfway through my Bachelor’s; someone had just jumped out of his kitchen window, landing on our car and totaling it the process, which led us to rake up some debts; Penny’s job was in limbo, her boss was on the verge of losing a battle with cancer and the future of the company was uncertain. However, as she grew, we noticed that Velouria was actually a combination of Penny and I – she sleeps like a log, enjoys fellowship with senior citizens, eats like a bottomless pit and is a true-blue couch potato who can recall any jingle, movie trailer/sequence/dialogue. Only a Creator who knows us better than we know ourselves could take the best (and worst!) of both of us to create such a bundle of joy.
The other indication that triggered my nostalgia was also seeing the 25th Anniversary G.I. Joe: a Real American Hero 3¾” action figures on the shelves of several toy stores. I remember clamouring to grab every single figure I could get my hands on – from Metro, Daimaru, Yaohan, OG, Kiddy Point (at Centrepoint) and Kids’ World (Wisma Atria and United Square) 20 years ago. This went on well into my poly years as I acquired figures and vehicles that friends had understandably couldn’t wait to give up. With the advent of technology, these figures have now been rescuplted with more detail and given a make-over to bestow upon them a more contemporary look (it has, after all, been 25 years since the first obiang-looking series of figures was launched). More figures are in the line-up, as Hasbro seems keen on revamping all of the figures by the time the G.I. Joe movie hits the theatres in August 2009.
Being on Facebook has also been a double-edged sword as I soak in my ostensibly retrospective take of life. I have, for the longest time, tried my utmost to resist conforming but the resistance was ultimately futile as my curious search for long-lost friends ended up with me starting an account. And, boy, did I find some friends and tons of old photos! It’s amusing to find old friends, get an update on what they’ve been up to, look at photos of their children and hallelujah at every single one that, like me, have turned to Christ. Comparisons are almost inevitable as I begin to look at each of their profiles and realize how everyone has grown, despite being the angst driven youth at one point of our lives, proclaiming proudly how we’d ‘stick it to the man’. Everyone expected me to turn into some arty-farty, skater-type, struggling rock musician/DJ/comic book illustrator/toy sculptor; but somehow I morphed into a God-fearing, corporate ladder-climbing, family man. Conversely, the shy and quiet, studious types have transformed into chain smoking, alcohol guzzling, Zoukout-type party animals.Which leads me to ponder about the jungle path that I always imagine my life to be; along the way there are many junctions, forks and small hidden tracks. How different would my life have turned out if I took a different turn at one of the junctions, or decided to follow a small, hidden track along the way? Am I back on the main path now? And more importantly, where is it taking me and what’s waiting at the end for me?
Am I complaining? Not really. Am I truly happy? I would be lying if I said I am. Truth is, I’m still struggling to be content with whatever God has blessed me with ‘for he knows the intents and desires’ of my heart and be grateful that He has sustained me thus far.
What do the next ten years have in store for me, I wonder? Only God knows.
1 comment:
What a wonderful and wise post. I identify so much with what you've written. Having Jordy has made me both yearn for the past, and yet be incredibly excited (and slightly freaked out) about the future! But one thing remains, which is that he truly is a miracle that has entered our lives and turned things upside down!
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