Spritual surfing

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Faith is a peculiar thing. Just when you think you have it, it eludes you and starts whether or not God is indeed there. The Bible tells us He is always there, however our sin separates us. How then do we not sin? Is it even possible while we live in a fallen and sinful society, surrounded by secularity each day? The Bible tells us it is possible; ‘I can do all things through Him who strengthens me’ (Philippians 4:13). But in order to truly believe in that, we need to have faith.

Hence my dilemna. I seem to be caught in a vicious cycle. Every Sunday after a good praise and worship session or a good sermon, I feel ready to take on the world after being touched by the Holy Spirit. Somewhere along the way, just when I thought everything is going to be great, things just don't seem to go my way. So my faith gets zapped and begin to wonder if God is there. This feeling of hopelessness sometimes even carries into Sunday when we go to church, so while everyone is worshipping the Lord, I’m wondering about what is going on in my life and what God can do FOR ME. From there, my logic takes over and I begin to take things into my own hands, which of course ends up

Evertime I pray, God tells me to trust Him more. How do I trust Him if I don’t have faith? Faith comes from the Word of God, so the Bible says. But again, if I can’t even bring myself to sing a song of praise, how do I open up the Word of God to focus on what God is saying?

It’s a sucky feeling to have to go through this cycle over and over again. Each time I think I’m up there, I find myself down below again. Day in, day out I ride the tides of wavering faith.

I reckon what I’m going through now seems akin to surfing. You see a great wave, you think you can handle it so you swim out and take it on. Halfway through you get wiped out and you ask God ‘Where were You when I needed You?’ Then God picks you up and sends you out there. You get complacent and the whole cycle repeats itself. Bummer.

Maybe one day I’ll have enough material to write a book. It’ll be entitled ‘Spritual Surfing: Riding the Tides of Wavering Faith’ and go on to become a No. 1 New York Times bestseller. I’ll be filthy rich from royalties, get complacent and find myself back here again.

So many babies, so little time

Never before did we have friends giving birth consecutively. About a month back, my secondary school mates Kenny and Belinda were blessed with Faith, their third child after two boys, on 1 December. A day later on 2 December, Michael's (my primary school mate) wife, Cindy, gave birth to Aydan (or, according to Michael's hilarious cyber-speak SMS, the Aydan 1.0 system came online), their first after the months of anticipation since they first broke the news to us.

So fast forward a month later, we suddenly had two one month baby showers to attend. All because the Chinese are a superstitious lot when it comes to such things and firmly believe that birthdays should be celebrated earlier as doing it later was taboo.

We rushed off from church at 12 noon and headed to Aydan's first, which was held at Persimmon's at the new Link Hotel. Nick and Pat, along with Grace who was ecstatic to see Velouria, were already there when we arrived. It was a nice place with a rather nostalgic feel to it. The rattan chairs and marble table tops used were reminiscent of those old coffee shops that we rarely see nowadays; the buffet spread included the red eggs and ang ku kuehs (must have items that are traditional to Chinese one month old baby showers) as well as herbal tea and chendol; an old spitton was also used as an ornamental flower vase, which I thought was quite creative.

More friends arrived later (Jenny, Alaric and Wai Min) and it was great catching up (and gossiping!) with everyone while enjoying the rest of the simple fare that was offered at the buffet spread. I particularly enjoyed the sweet and sour Thai style fish and the mushroom soup with shao shing cream.

We didn't have the time to touch the dessert as it was soon time to leave for the next baby shower. Fortunately for us, it was only around the corner at Teresa Ville. This party we attended with a certain tinge of awkwardness as I haven't met many of my friends for the longest time (about 20 years?) and I wasn't sure if all of them would remember me, coupled with the fact that Belinda and I almost had 'something' going on but neither of us had any follow-up or closure to that issue (it was just 'one of those things' that was forgotten as time passed). By the time we arrived, the party was almost over and it was a pleasant surprise to meet so many of my old friends after such a long time. Apparently, they had been organising reunions for quite a while now since finding each other again on Facebook; I had already missed a couple and this was my first. This was, again, a sombre reminder for me of how time flies. Major, major bummer.

Too stuffed to eat anymore, we just hung around to take photos (many of which have been uploaded onto the Facebook group) and catching up with my old friends. Many of us took our turns carrying Faith, some albeit rather awkwardly, while she just slept throughout. I reckon she must have been tired and confused by the array of activity going on around her along with all the screaming, jumping older kids (Velouria inclusive).

We left a while later together with most of the group, only to get stuck at the playground for another half an hour after promising Velouria 5 minutes. She was only willing to leave after her skin had broken on her hand from all the swinging from the bars.