Cactus in the wilderness

Been feeling down of late. That same question that has kept awake on countless nights before has returned to keep playing over and over again in my mind like a broken vinyl - why am I faced with another challenge YET AGAIN just when I thought I had left one behind and could finally move ahead to straighten my life.

That being the case, I have been fasting, praying and crying out to God the past week while meditating on some scripture from Psalm 55:

'But I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.' (v16-17)

This portion of scripture penned by the psalmist described exactly how I felt. Desperate, alone and drained from the many assaults that he had been put through. Truth be told, what the psalmist experienced was perhaps far worse than what I had endured, but the resulting emotions at the end were certainly similar.

On Friday night, during worship at cell, I continue to literally CRY out to God and ask for strength. I was not even interested in singing the song right, just opening up my heart and stretching out my hands, asking God that I may just dip my finger into His presence just so that I know He has not forsaken me. As always, God never disappoints.

At the end of the worship Rob said 'Rennie, God impressed upon me to share something with you'. I was speechless. From a guy who barely knew me personally, I knew it had to be from God because the words he spoke were so true and it sent a resounding vibe of reassurance ringing through my head. Here was a man with his own struggles, yet he was willing to be used by God to encourage a fellow brother who was too caught up in his own turmoil to hear God speak.

Rob went on to say that God gave him a vision of a cactus in the wilderness. On the cactus was a fruit that God was tending to. It will be tough for the fruit to bloom in the wilderness, on a cactus no less, but when the time was ripe for the fruit to be finally harvested and eaten, it would be so sweet that even the genetically engineered fruits in the world would pale drastically in comparison. He mentioned that God has seen my heart comparing myself with my worldy peers around me, wondering why I've not achieved as much as them. But God said to look to Him and nothing else because there are several areas He is continually dealing with before that fruit can be harvested.

Needless to say, I was in tears by the end of it. All because I serve and awesome and mighty God.

Spritual surfing

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Faith is a peculiar thing. Just when you think you have it, it eludes you and starts whether or not God is indeed there. The Bible tells us He is always there, however our sin separates us. How then do we not sin? Is it even possible while we live in a fallen and sinful society, surrounded by secularity each day? The Bible tells us it is possible; ‘I can do all things through Him who strengthens me’ (Philippians 4:13). But in order to truly believe in that, we need to have faith.

Hence my dilemna. I seem to be caught in a vicious cycle. Every Sunday after a good praise and worship session or a good sermon, I feel ready to take on the world after being touched by the Holy Spirit. Somewhere along the way, just when I thought everything is going to be great, things just don't seem to go my way. So my faith gets zapped and begin to wonder if God is there. This feeling of hopelessness sometimes even carries into Sunday when we go to church, so while everyone is worshipping the Lord, I’m wondering about what is going on in my life and what God can do FOR ME. From there, my logic takes over and I begin to take things into my own hands, which of course ends up

Evertime I pray, God tells me to trust Him more. How do I trust Him if I don’t have faith? Faith comes from the Word of God, so the Bible says. But again, if I can’t even bring myself to sing a song of praise, how do I open up the Word of God to focus on what God is saying?

It’s a sucky feeling to have to go through this cycle over and over again. Each time I think I’m up there, I find myself down below again. Day in, day out I ride the tides of wavering faith.

I reckon what I’m going through now seems akin to surfing. You see a great wave, you think you can handle it so you swim out and take it on. Halfway through you get wiped out and you ask God ‘Where were You when I needed You?’ Then God picks you up and sends you out there. You get complacent and the whole cycle repeats itself. Bummer.

Maybe one day I’ll have enough material to write a book. It’ll be entitled ‘Spritual Surfing: Riding the Tides of Wavering Faith’ and go on to become a No. 1 New York Times bestseller. I’ll be filthy rich from royalties, get complacent and find myself back here again.

Bible insights

The Bible is one tome that never ceases to amaze me. At times placidingly simple, it can also be deeply profound and rudely awakening (in a good way). Nevertheless, it has provided me a wealth of information with regards to the puzzle we call life and often provided a direction amidst the confusion that surrounds us. It is not surprising to feel that the Bible speaks to us as John 1:1 says 'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God'. So as we pray and seek God, He speaks to us through His Word - the Bible.

Recently, I came across some study material which dwelt into the ten plagues that hit Egypt when the Pharoah refused to release Moses and the Israelites. Having watched the Ten Commandments (with Charlton Heston - woo hoo!) as a kid and later on the cartoon (or 'animated feature' as they like to be called these days) Prince of Egypt as an adult, I always wondered why those specific afflictions. Were they just random outbreaks designed to badger the Egyptians to the utmost? Most definitely not.

I've always been told that every single detail recorded in the Bible was allowed by God to happen for very specific reasons. Similarly, these outbreaks were purposed to attack the spiritual heart of Egypt as each one of them had a specific relation to the nature-based religion of Egypt. Through this, God would prove His authority by using His creations to wreck the idolatory beliefs of the Egyptians and the so-called gods that were supposed to protect them.

So for the beneift of everyone (myself inclusive lest I forget this), these are the ten plagues and why God brought them upon Egypt:

1. The Nile turned to blood (Exodus 7:14-25)
The Nile was the centre of Egyptian religion and the agricultural lifeblood for the nation. The gods Hapi and Osiris supposedly protected the river.

2. Swarms of frogs (Exodus 8:1-15)
In Egypt, Heqt, the frog god, was the symbol of fertility and resurrection.

3. Dust became lice (Exodus 8:16-19)
The Hebrew word for lice, kinnim, refers to gnats.

4. Swarms (Exodus 8:20-32)
The exact nature of this swarm is not certian, but some commentators believe it was the dog fly, a bloodsucking insect that laid eggs on other creatures and "swarmed with a voracious appetite, attacking every man, inflicting painful wounds". Kheper, represented by the scarab beetle, was the insect god shown to be impotent by the third and fourth plagues.

5. Pestilence (Exodus 9:1-7)
This was a fatal disease for cattle, which were also considered sacred and supposedly protected by the bull-god Apis and cow-goddess Hathor.

6. Boils (Exodus 9:8-12)
These painful sores were seen as a failure of their personal god of healing, Thoth.

7. Storm and hail (Exodus 9:13-35)
This plague destroyed the crops and food supply. Nut, the sky god, failed to stop this weather-borne disaster.

8. Locusts (Exodus 10:1-20)
A locust can eat its own weight daily, and locust swarms of 400 square miles have been recorded (a single square-mile swarm could contain 100 to 200 million locusts). Osiris, protector of agriculture, was seen as the ineffective god in this plague.

9. Darkness (Exodus 10:21-29)
Ra, the sun god of Egypt, was the god mocked by this plague - a plague of darkness that was so thick it could be felt.

10. Death of the firstborn of man and animal (Exodus 11:4-5; 12:29-30)
This plague marked the failure of Pharoah himself, who was considered a god. He was powerless to stop it - even losing his own firstborn.

The above is an excerpt from the Discovery Series booklet Moses: His anger and what it cost him from RBC Ministries, publishers of Our Daily Bread.